i have been feeling more and more melancholic recently. i think i'm really not doing well anymore. i keep thinking about the actual years worth of experiance i have in coding and how all of it was for fucking nothing bc in the end i didn't do shit with it at all and just abandoned my passion as a whole. i never realised how little i had until i lost coding as an interest, bc now i just kind of do art on and off i feel like i'm trying to convince myself that i still do stuff, that i'm still actif and that art is more of a coping mechanism then a actual thing i want to do. i wonder if i'm also going to give up on art the moment people start praising me for it. when i gave up on coding everyone around me asked me why they all told me how amazing i was at it and they didn't understand why i gave up. and i still don't know why i'm even doing this. i don't know why i'm not trying to go back to the one thing i was good at. this is kind of a rambling blogpost but i had to say it somewhere and i don't want to say it on discord bc i know everyone is going to ignore me again. i just want to be like i use to be before i'm sick of being this version of myself