When i gave up on coding a few months ago. it was the end of a 12 year long journey that i went trough mostly alone. no one ever told me that i inspired them or what i was doing was good or even that i was smart for how i coded. i spend hours upon hours of my free time learning how to code on my own. i learned html/css/javascript/php and i started coding websites from scratch. i spend hours trough trial and error to learn how everything worked and how to use it to its absolute limits. i spend hours learning c++ and python. i went to school to learn coding even more and i never struggled in a lesson about coding. but uni really fucked me up i feel like. i use to spend days awake sturying for the exams bc of how much they scared me. now it all seem so unimportant.

but to get back to the subject. once i stopped coding and gave up on everything i had build until now. a LOT of people came to me asking me why i would do such a thing ? they asked me "why would you stop coding ? you are so amazing at it" some called me the smartest person they knew. a few people told me that i have an amazing future in coding and if i really want to give up on it. i think about that a lot. almost every morning. how no one ever told me anything about how they felt about me. all it took is for me to fucking fall off my ladder for people to tell me how far up i had climbed. i wonder why.

i'm sorry if my post feel kind of spammy right now. i keep thinking about this stuff and writting blogpost about them helps me get them out of my head. and if i don't get those ideas out they are going to drive me actually insane