i might start making daily blog posts bc i think i'm starting to suffer from memory loss but i don't know ): . it feels like i'm forgething things i take longer to remember stuff and some people have started telling me that i tell them the same story on loop. i think i'm genuinely losing my mind but i don't fucking know anymore

fuck yeah not only am i keeping up with my challenge but i reached 100 drawings and i'm really happy about that !! i have also been improbing a lot and learning clip studio lil by lil it finally feels like i'm getting somwhere :D

i have been working a lot lot more on my art laytely i still feel like its not enough but i'm very happy that i'm finally getting somewhere. i'm doing a daily pixel art/daily tablet art AND a daily inktober art so paper too. and i feel genuinely happy about it i want to draw a lil longer then that bc it take me in all a lil less then 2h to finish the 3 drawings while i want to atleast spend an hour on each drawing or have multiple drawings of each but honestly idk... i'm very happy to be productif again and i'm having a lot of fun doing random stuff! maybe ill open my commissions soon ... i should also maybe pick up 3D again bc i haven't really done anything 3D in yearrs now and i use to be pretty good at it ALSO i really need to learn how to use clip studio more bc there are so many amazing tools that i don't know how to use yet and i would love to know how to use all of them ;w; all in all pretty good days i'm having right now.

oh yeah i'm still working on making newground the hub it once was at least for artist since everyone needs a place to be for their art. so atm i'm may or maynot be working on a phone app but no promises bc i'm shit at coding

alright i think i finally made it over the worst part of my stupid life (for now) my fever is almost gone (except for this killer headache i have) and my friend is doing fine last i heard of her my drawing friend is also doing alright and she decided to keep doing the drawing challenge but at her own pace which is more then enough! so go give her some love and i finally cought up to my 2 drawing i hadn't done yet so i'm ABCK ON TRACK BABY i also drew and ass today that genuinely looked like an ass so it feels like i'm making progress. today was a good day :)

to the people that might be concened by this stupid challenge i'm doing.

i'm sorry for not uploading yeterday i really wanted to but a friend of mine has had a horrible time as of late and i spend most of my night talking to her about it before another one of my friend that also had a bad time came and i also talked to her about it to make sure that she was ok. recently i have also started to get a fucking horrible fever today i'm fully sick i could almost not get out of bed and i slept for a total of 11h. i will also be doing this challenge on my own probabkly bc my friend no longer has the ability to draw everyday so i'm on my own. i feel fucking horrible right now but drawing everyday is the only thing i have to do so i might push a lil bit and still do yesterday and today's drawings and upload both of them.

honestly i don't even know what i'm doing anymore

i don't know why but the more i move up in life the more i act and feel like a complete stroke victim. my head keeps hurting i can't act normal with other people i can bbarrely talk correctly without slurring my words i barelly know how to write and read i have horrible hand cordination i keep running into things and hurting myself i can't hold something without dropping it after i stop looking at it and i can barrely do basic math. i want to say that i'm slowely going braindead but i'm barrely 20 years old so idk wtf is wrong with me

i spend the whole day moving around rusty metal with my dad so we could clean up the house. i'm actually dead and everything hurts now ;w; and i didn't draw anything for the challenge today... today might be a small art day ;-;

i fixed an old table in my room and now i finally have my L shaped desk i always dremed off. i now have enough room to set up a drawing station with my drawing tablet so i'm back in the mood to draw everyday this is very very fun! i also bought CLIP STUDIO and i'm loving it! i didn't use it yet but any software that starts with a written tutorial on how to use it is an amazing software in my book! maybe i will finally be less shit at art ;w;

i missed a day of drawing everyday for 100 days challenge so i need to start over. i'm back at day 0 from day 15. i'm angry at myself i let my laziness get the better of me. so its start over time

the idea of dying is something that never really scared me and i don't know why. i'm not aying that when faced with death i won't freak out about it i'm just saying that dying as a concept never really scared me as i see it there is 3 solution to this.

1. there is a god and i end up in the after life that one is kind of the coolest solution bc i get to meet god and ask him all the question i never got answer to like why do we all exist what is the meaning of life how do you find x ?
2. when we die our brain infinitly stretches the last minute of our life and we get to live for ever inside out brain for all of eternity. that one is also cool but kind of scary bc once the second passes you stop existing.
3. everything goes black in that case i think its just like going to sleep and you won't feel anything anymore ever so i guess th at one is alright too.

no matter the way i will go i'm at peace with it so i really wonder what its like to just die sometimes.